Family & Partner Resources

Family members may be the first to notice something is not quite right with a new mom. If you’ve come to this page, you may be worried someone you care about is suffering from a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder such as postpartum depression. It can be very confusing, challenging, and even painful to watch your spouse, family member, or friend, react to becoming a parent in ways that you didn’t expect. Please know that the person with depression or anxiety is not to blame for this illness and that she is just as surprised as you are. Thankfully, perinatal mood and anxiety disorders can be temporary and treatable with support and professional help. In this section, we hope to offer you some tools that will help you support the person who is struggling, and also help you get through this difficult time.

How to Help Mom

PSI offers some helpful information for family and friends:

• Help her reach out to others for support and treatment.
• Reassure her: this is not her fault; she is not alone; she will get better.
• Encourage her to talk about her feelings and listen without judgment.
• Help with housework before she asks you.
• Encourage her to take time for herself. Breaks are a necessity; fatigue is a major contributing factor to worsening symptoms.
• Don’t expect her to be super-housewife just because she’s home all day.
• Be realistic about what time you’ll be home and come home on time.
• Schedule regular date nights and work together to find a babysitter.
• Offer simple affection and physical comfort but be patient if she is not up for sex. With depression, it’s normal for her to have a low sex drive ⁠—rest and recovery will help to bring it back.

Resources for Dads & Partners

• Dads are talking about postpartum depression in a new Redbook article.
• Healthy New Moms’ Dads & Partners Resources
• Postpartum Support International (PSI) – Tips for Dads and Partners
• The Postpartum Husband: Practical Solutions for Living with Postpartum Depression by Karen R. Kleiman
• Postpartum Dads was created by PSI Dads’ Coordinator David Klinker as a forum to help dads and families by providing firsthand information and guidance.
• PSI hosts a free call-in forum on the 1st Monday of every month where dads can chat with a perinatal mood disorders expert, receive information, and support from other dads.
• Other resources can be found here.

Dealing with Her Anger and Irritability

• Do what you can to make sure she eats regularly throughout the day⁠— low blood sugar results in a low mood and frustration. Have healthy and easy snacks on hand.
• Do your best to listen for the real request at the heart of her frustration. Reduce conflict by telling her, “I know we can work this out. I am listening”.
• Keep the lines of communication open. Verbalize your feelings instead of distancing from her. It is helpful to take a break if your tempers are hot, but do get back to communicating.
• If she is expressing anger in such a way that you can’t stay supportive, you might say something like, “I want to listen to you. I know this is important, but I’m having a hard time because you’re so mad at me. Can we take a break and talk about it later?”
• Ask her how you can help right now. If she doesn’t know, make some suggestions.